attention Ben Ass-fleck...could you please stop making mundane and closely-spaced comments to the media in the attempt to keep you and your better half (ha!) in the public eye until you can make another horrendous movie? you're clogging up my daily celebrity gossip reading with your ridiculous banter. the ship has sailed, sweetie. accept it gracefully. do some theater. take a pilates class. study the kabalah.
uh-kay?
but, just for amusement, let's track your lame paparrazzi trail over the past few months:
Dec 5, 2003: BEN AFFLECK SAYS SEX IS 10 MINTUES AND NOTHING FANCY!
He joked: "You'd be bored by my sex life now! It's like ten minutes. It's completely routine. It's another root. I've done nothing fancy there."
BLOGORELLI SAYS: Nothing fancy like your acting? No surprise here.
Dec 17, 2003: BEN AFFLECK ON 'UPS AND DOWNS' WITH J-LO
"Yes, we are together," Affleck told ABC television in America. "Some days are better than others. Of course we are still together."
BLOGORELLI SAYS: Of course they are still together...just like me and my boyfriend Jude Law.
Dec 19, 2003: BEN AFFLECK TO SPEND CHRISTMAS WITH THE TROOPS
"It is now legal in Massachusetts and Matt and I have set a date," he said.
BLOGORELLI SAYS: Massachusetts doesn't need any more bad press. Lay off, buddy!
Jan 8, 2004: AFFLECK SAYS THAT J-LO RELATIONSHIP IS HURTING HIS CAREER
Affleck said: "My relationship with Jennifer has absolutely been bad for my career. The over-exposure this year has been really damaging.
BLOGORELLI SAYS: There's another kind of overexposure that's damaging too, Ben -- the sun. Tell that stylist to switch to mid-grade.
Jan 12, 2004: STILL NO DATE FOR LOPEZ WEDDING, SAYS AFFLECK
Ben Affleck has insisted that there is still no date set for his wedding to Jennifer Lopez.
BLOGORELLI INSISTS: Get married in Massachusetts! Oh, wait, I said no more bad press. Ixnay on that uggestionsay.
*Just-too-Easy Bonus*
July 23, 2003: AFFLECK DEFENDS GIGLI AGAINST THE CRITICS
The handsome actor says, "I am enormously proud of it. It was one of the most pleasant and wonderful sets that I have ever worked on and it was, I think, some of my best work as an actor."
BLOGORELLI SAYS: I am as speechless as someone who just huffed a whole can of Whip-It.
BLOGORELLI RECOVERS: He'd better give her and the movie props when she's putting up with all that crappy sex.
Finally:
Ben says, "It made people think bad about us. But it's not important. People who regard that as important have lost their soul."
BLOGORELLI SAYS: is losing it worse than selling it to the devil?
why thank you, my personal assistant. i am touched...and here i thought that you were merely good for lattes and errands, but you are so much more than a title!
and, i know...a bad lay who's down-and-out -- i can hardly believe i haven't dated him already! alas, a girl's got to uphold some standards, however meager.
Posted by: blogorelli | Tuesday, 13 January 2004 at 10:25 PM
Puh-lease... Miss Blogorelli is way to fabulous to date men of Affleck's low-ranking caliber. This we all know. J.Lo's got nuthin on her.
PS... your name is lame, baron.
Posted by: christi's personal assistant | Tuesday, 13 January 2004 at 01:21 PM
i'm reading between the lines and i think i detect some lustful intentions for ben from miss blogorelli. why do you want him to come back to massachusetts so much? why do you want them to break up so much? huh? HUH? trying to break him down so you can pick up the pieces???
Posted by: baron von munchaussen | Tuesday, 13 January 2004 at 11:12 AM