Much like my diatribe of last year about Ben Assfleck and J-"No Lo(w) Top Shirts Since I Married Scary and Anemic Rodent-Faced Latino Singer Man", here comes another rant:
PARIS and MOBY, get out of my celebrity universe. You are de-starred. In fact, neither of you ever had even half a star. You are over-publicized. I am sick of you, tired of looking at you, and have grown listless hearing your
1. ditzy explanations about your current publicity-whoring behaviour, always containing the word "like" as two-thirds of the sentence structure
2. psuedo-political statements or anything involving electronic music, how you pioneered some realm of it, or how the world will love eating vegetarian/vegan cuisine if we all just come to your tea house/restaurant.
Paris: I don't care if you stupidly left your crystal-encrusted Sidekick unattended somewhere while you rubbed your bare boobs against another loser socialite. But, if someone should want to see what was on said device and perhaps call up Lindsay Lohan and tell her that sometimes her hair looks just a little bit over-conditioned, check around on the internet...the info is everywhere now.
Moby: You've been on my last nerve for years. I don't know, there's just something about overly confident, compactly built vegans that reminds me too much of my cheap-yet-eccentric college boyfriend. Though seemingly nice in interviews, I just have this feeling in my heart that you are probably insuffurable. Oh no, wait...that feeling came as a gut reaction to this comment on the website for your cafe Teany
"One of my favorite things is when a non-vegetarian comes into teany and has our vegan turkey club with a champagne raspbellini followed by a piece of vegan chocolate cheesecake and says to me, 'Wow, I never knew that vegan and vegetarian food could be so GOOD!'"
Never gonna happen, Tofu Jockey...I like meat. In my men, music AND meals.