The other night, the (partial) Gang and I were sitting around drinking some seasonal ales and playing Stumpd!…a pub quiz game held at the Thirsty Scholar on Sundays and in various Boston locations on other days. I personally despise drinking at a pub having quiz night because I find it annoying to be forced to listen to psuedo-braniacs lamely "ooh" and "yea!" at their own shocking knowledge of the state with the "smallest biggest city" (Vermont), but since we were there and everyone else was into it, we registered and made a go.
Amazingly, The Secret Santas (our team) won THIRD PLACE! I have to admit, being the "genius" who knew that the Clintons' cat's name was Socks, thus allowing us to sleuth out that it was named after the philosopher Socrates, really got me lit...but not so much as if I had realized that the d.j. read the names of the teams out loud after every few rounds to do a score recap.
In retrospect, "Secret Santas" seemed like a lame choice, especially after one team actually called themselves "Speds." I may litter occasionally, but even *I* would never cross that far over the politically correct line of scrimmage. I would, however, go as far as calling our team, "I'm A Dillboy"…which I thought was pretty clever until Cho really "took it there" and suggested that next time we call ourselves "With Valtrex, I've Been Outbreak Free For Months." Genius! I added that, should our team have a Junior League equivalent, it would be called "Piggyback Rides".
Since the first and second place teams took the $30 gift certificate and XXL t-shirts, respectively, we were left with a free round of beers and discussion over the worst seasonal commercials.
Frankie Nacho voted for the jewelry commercials (Zales?) where the couple is in the airport and the guy suggests they "start Christmas early" because, as a universal human truth, being in an airport within seven days of Christmas means that the Fates will find you delayed and sitting on the germy hard-flat carpeting somewhere near a bathroom door...but definitely with any possible view of a monitor blocked by large cement pylons. Boy, was that a long sentence, or what?
I'm starting Christmas early right now, here by myself with a big sniffer of bourbon, but apparently this actor-man thought what the girl really needed was a stereotypical diamond bracelet that probably read "I Love You Forever" when she turned it sideways. Yawn. The best part about this nomination, however, was how Frankie re-enacted the girl when she pouts and says, "It doesn't seem very much like Christmas in here!" According to his portrayal, she was a 7-foot-tall trannie with stubble and gold lame heels.
Someone said the Bob's Discount Furniture ads where he and his ever-contant lady friend are marionettes (or was that the voice in my head?) Yes, puppets are creepy as hell most of the time, but Bob's commercials are ridiculous and scary ALL of the time. A complete bedroom set with mattress and box spring for $499...where's this stuff coming from, Allston? Disqualified.
I voted for the Victoria's Secret commerical with the "Carol of the Bells" playing in the background and containing an astounding total of three sentences uttered by over ten models. Luckily, the clever editors managed to get about 50 different bra and panty {shiver} sets in two minutes of ad time, not a one made of cotton or in any way opaque. The theme (and longest sentence?) "Give me everything I want...and nut-hing I need" (see, I wrote out the accented pronunciation of "nothing" because that German, man-looking one Giselle had the line and I wanted to be realistic.)
Echoing the nubile geniuses' sentiments, don't get me a Right Hand Ring. Not because I want it, but because if you do, I WILL get what I want by knocking you hard in the temple with said jewelry. And definitely DO get me the mysterious iShuffle case pictured below, because not only do I not want it, I don't even understand why a person would need to contort like the athletic model in the photos...like, the cord is gonna fall between a girl's breasts. It's called gravity, Santa.
Blogorelli, After decorating a VT Christmas tree, I would have expected you to get that for sure. As a side note, Vergennes, VT is considered the smallest city in the United States. Keep that in mind next time your playing Stumpd!
Posted by: Green Mountain | Tuesday, 20 December 2005 at 06:43 PM
I'll take Blogorelli's right-hand ring!
;)
Posted by: the polish princess | Tuesday, 20 December 2005 at 12:55 PM