b l o g o r e l l i

Friday Medal Round: Carry-Ons In The Overhead Compartment

Continuing on the travel theme, this week I wanted to check in with everyone's progress on
where they wanted to GO GO in 2005. Sadly, I didn't make it to any of my three desired destinations (Reykjavik, Iceland / Austin, TX / Oslo, Norway) last year, but I DID go to Montreal, NYC, Cincinnati, Park City UT, and Italy.

So, tell the MeMe:
Where have you BEEN BEEN this past year...and where do you want to GO GO in 2006?

BEEN BEEN
Gold: Italy
Silver: Montreal
Bronze: Cincinnati (medals due to extreme nostalgia factor)

GO GO
Gold: Oslo, Norway
Silver: Reykjavik, Iceland (I'm "keeping the faith" on my top 2)
Bronze: Vancouver

ps: I'm also going to Key West in April for Half Pint + Mr. Car's (note: new nickname alert!) nuptials, but thought that location unfair to list since it's a given.

(Below: one of the best reasons to hop the pond...mi familia Italiana!)

No Trippa, No Glory

Italia 2006: Story #1

On Sunday, we took a day trip to Orivieto, a tiny town (pop, 10,000) which sits on volcanic tuff cliffs in the hills nearly two hours south. The town is remote, beautiful, quaint, and walled -- from the train station, visitors must take a funicular (in Pittsburgh, we'd call it "the incline" and in other places, a "gondola") up to the city center (piazza). Like many cities in Italy, there is a cathedral, but Orvieto's is particularly grand. Similar to the Duomo that we saw in Siena on Saturday, this church has "zebra stripe" marble on the sides, took 30 years to plan and 300 to build. Italians, they do love them some Gothic structures.

Like many of my past resident cities, Orvieto is deep. What I mean to say is that the Etruscans built a complex system of tunnels and caves below the entire city plan. Over the years, The Underground has been used to produce/preserve olive oil and wine, hide from medieval and WWII attacks and, most unfortunately, breed pigeons (a food source back in the day.) As our tunnel tour guide noted, "I no like, but the meat, it is red...and some say, distinct and pleasing flavor." To which Tara, my vegetarian host, replied: "I'd eat one just because it would kill a pigeon."

That's how much she hates pigeons.

We wandered around for a few hours, shopped, and then sat down to a dinner full of regional foodstuffs. A standout was definitely the local cheese plate with miel (honey.) Truffles are also plentiful in this part of the country, so I got a pasta with trufata and Hal The Norwegian tried steak with porcinis. Then, since we had worked our way through half a litre of wine and still had half to go, I got daring and ordered trippa...a Tuscan "specialty". Yes, I ordered guts. Pig guts, to be exact.

Our waitress was obviously delighted that one of us took her strong suggestion to order the guts, and when they arrived, I got a little woozy and thought I might lose my nerve...or my cookies. But I pushed through and ate almost half the plate. They were chewy, and salty, with a rich tomato sauce and lots of asagio cheese grated on the top. Overall, there are worse things I've ingested — onions, to be exact.

That's how much I hate onions.

(Below: me and some innards)

Re-Entry

Well, I'm back Stateside...as of 7 pm last night, after 14 hours of traveling. Sitting at my desk this morning is a bit surreal, I must admit. It's almost time for apertivo in Florence, yet I just finished my breakfast egg sandwich. Hmm.

Lots to report, and many many photos to share...I hope to start writing/organizing tonight, if the jet lag doesn't take me down by noon.

(Below: Tara and I with La Fontana del Porcellino (The Luck-Bearer Boar))

Bostonist: Celebrating 1 Year (of Putting Up with Reckless-Irresponsible Bloggers Like Yours Truly)

No Medal Round today, but instead my personal hat trick of why anyone in The Bean should definitely pop over to the Kinsale tonight and hit up Bostonist's Birthday Bash...

GOLD: It's a Boston entertainment/news source that's actually enticing, hip, relevant and self-depreciating -- that's worth 100 Stuff@Nights in this gal's book
SILVER: Great people, all of whom have bought me free drinks despite the fact that I've written maybe 6 articles over the span of a year...see? They're cool AND patient.
BRONZE: Free beer, or so I hear...however, to get a pint, one might have to challenge editor Jon to karaoke James Blunt's "You're Beautiful" or editor Katie to recall a tale from her beer-wenching days.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY BOSTONIST!!! SOON YOU'LL BE TEETHING...

Ciao Bella, Ambien

Buongiorno, Italia!

Here I am in Florence, typing this on Halvard The Norwegian's laptop. We just returned from a savory dinner at I'Cche' Ce' Ce', which is pronounced exactly as you would expect ("Eee Say-Chay-Kay-Kay" ?) and sounds like what some of the extremely comely Italianos walking the streets here would say right before they goosed an Americana like me!

The journey here was relatively painless, thanks in the most part to Leslie, my 40+ year-old seatmate/"Being a Mom is my job." She had both the most pouches filled with random travel needs (hand wipes, cuticle cream, power adaptors, trail mix, Airbourne) that I've ever seen AND a prescription to Ambien...one of which she passed to me right before I launched into movie #2 (Walk The Line) on my private back-of-seat movie screen. Movie #1 (Just Like Heaven) had ended right before dinner, and we all know that I only watched it because I, er, pressed the wrong button on my armrest remote. I would surely, surely never watch a romantic comedy -- let alone one that involved Reese Witherspoon playing a ghost, for christssakes. Heh heh?

One Ambien washed down by a vodka tonic, and six hours later I woke up refreshed as we landed in Rome. Two train rides, and Tara and I were walking by the Duomo. Three more blocks, and a shopping bag with new coat and trainers was swinging from my arm. So far, Italy is turning out to be better than Utah -- although there's still a chance I might have a freak Vespa hit-and-run incident. If that happens, it will probably be by 12:30 p.m. tomorrow, based on my "vacation injury pattern 2006." But for now, I'm keeping my fingers crossed that, this time, the only thing returning with me to the States is some grappa.

BUMP + CAST WATCH 3.22.06!

This past weekend was a great adventure, one that consisted of me taking as many showers and lotioning my "free" right arm as many times as I could in my free time. Baby is now moisturized and content, so much so that I can almost forget the days of fiberglass. Almost. The night before I had the cast removed, Cho/Bobby/I cooked dinner and Bobby took some shots of us "less-abled" for posterity.

Be prepared — to see the FIRST digipic of Cho's bump and the LAST image of my casts/Capt. Black Pearl!

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It only took me about 25 minutes to cut the tops and bottoms off one package of green beans.

BUMP ALERT! BUMP ALERT!

They gave me a knife...to cut the beans! I thought the blade/cast combo really screamed "urban pirate".

Un giorno! Un giorno!*

Tomorrow afternoon I depart for my week overseas (still v. thrilling to type those words) in Florence. Exciting! Today, not so much exciting...more just stressful with many details to tie up before leaving the country.

I came with a hare-brained scheme to either not sleep tonight or wake up around 3-4 a.m. so that at exactly 6 p.m. tomorrow, my body will think it's time to sleep and I will blissfully pass the six hours to Rome in a peaceful slumber. On my last trip to the Europe (with The Polish Princess in '01,) I did not sleep one minute of the flight over the pond. I felt like hell, and wanted to kill everyone patron taking a personal audio tour in the Rijksmuseum that day during our layover in Amsterdam.

If my original plan does not come to fruition, I am not above calling on Vic to knock me out.

I hope to post a few things tonight before I leave, to publish while I am away. But I may run out of time. So check back over the next week...but if nothing appears here, then you know I'm wholeheartedly taking P. Natty's advice to "Eat some great food and smooch on an Italian boy"...and practicing European reckless abandonment by possibly smoking and riding on a scooter!

(*un giorno = "one day" in Italian)

Friday Medal Round: Accumulation as Decoration

I've been back working a lot on the store these past two weeks, hoping for a launch near the beginning of April (really.) One part is the "About" page, otherwise known as "How the hell did I start this crazy accumulation in the first place?!?" Two answers: 1. my father has the entire top of his garage available for storage and 2. I don't know.

Nebby to a fault (I prefer to label it as "I'm curious because I care,") I wonder what kinds of things others have in multiples/collect.

FRIDAY MEDAL: What do you or would you like to collect/accumulate? (Three+ objects constitute a collection in my mind. Two is variety, three starts into the dangerous "collection" territory. Trust me, three turns into ten turns into thirty FAST.)

BLOGORELLI
Gold: Typewriters! (See my two newest babies, below. I'm still looking for an orange Ghia and a green IBM Selectric)
Silver: Vintage thermoses
Bronze: 1950s glassware sets
Honorably Weird Mention: Small washers picked up around the city (usually near urban construction sites.) I dunno, I think circles are good luck.

FREE AT LAST! FREE AT LAST!

I'm back from the doctor's office MINUS Captain Black Pearl - woooo!

Of course, I managed to pick up another companion on the way...Orthopedic Olga, a glaringly white steel-lined brace. OO's almost as strong as the cast, just removable, and looks like a giant, brand-new white Ked encasing my right arm.

To all the casts I've loved before: thank you for being gentle, sleek, comforting and stable. You liked me, you really really liked me! Bing, O'Malleys, Capt'n – you will each have a place in my heart always.

But boy, oh boy, everybody's gonna wang chung (in the shower) tonight!

Shiver Me Bones: Things I Wish I Knew Before Captain Black Pearl

This morning, I have my six week check-up/x-rays on the distal radius. It's been a long run, one that perhaps yielded the most cast changes in Harvard Vanguard's history (5: red=Bing, greenX3=O'Malley, black). The most recent cast, a handsome greyish black color, is named Captain Black Pearl, and also conveniently looks a lot like the egg from which Jeff Goldblum emerged as The Fly. Bobby Crocker noted that the casting tape is similar in appearance to kevlar, after which Cho said that the cast is actually a disguise and I could kill a man with this arm. I liked that, and assured her that I would use my go-go-gadget-wrist to protect her stomach (a superpower in itself, actually) if anyone ever shot at us while we were superspying.

Captain Black Pearl could possibly be walking the plank this morning, sawed off (a terrifying and hot experience that I've been lucky enough to endure four times already) and replaced by a removable brace LINED WITH STEEL. It's been a long six weeks, and admittedly stinky at times, but once the cast is gone for good I plan on disinfecting my right fingers/palm for at least 20 minutes straight, and then taking a shower, during which I will wash my hair with both hands probably 5 times.

The people of Boston have been surprisingly nicer once they see my handicap, perhaps because they realize I'm already at a disadvantage so they needn't hit me with their car in the crosswalk or be verbally abusive in social situations. Obviously I'm already starting with less than a full deck physically here, so I'm really no "threat" to anyone (or am I=kevlar he-YA!)

Before I'm fiberglassless (hopefully forever,) I humbly present: a few things that anyone who has to get a cast should know:
1. They make casts you can get wet. "PROCEL Cast Liner contains billions of tiny pores that stop the passage of liquid water, but allow water vapor to pass through. Water does not wet the Liner, only your skin. Most of the water will drain quickly out the ends of your cast. After a few minutes, the water on your skin will become warm from your body heat and start to evaporate. The water vapor will then pass slowly through the Liner and out through your fiberglass cast."

If you don't need to get your cast changed every week because your arm is shrinking to a mere flesh-colored bone, buy this tape (one roll) and take it in with you; the doctor will use it instead of cotton under your cast. Hallejulah!

2. Someone jokingly suggested I find a higher fashion casting tape. Guess what? Patterned casting tape is real, Virginia. Usually they only have this stuff in children's wards (I asked my casting nurse) but you could make a special request. Even though camouflage is so at least last year (but apparently globally popular.)

(Below: I thought I got hit with the shit stick - this kid has TWO short casts! That woman is not enjoying the shower in her cheesy pink cast neary enough. So many patterns, and only six-eight weeks of healing!)

All Hail BKP Sophia

..because today is her seventh birthday!

Go ahead, leave her a treat. Any cat that looks this good in a scarf and jeweled brooch deserves a little fishy yum-yum.

I Spy

DesignSpotter.com is a "web-based platform for publication and publicity for designer-makers. Increase your popularity and product sales. Protect your unique design by publishing your work at designspotter. Simply upload an image of your work, a short description and a weblink in order to feature your product without any cost on this website."

Althought its forum-like organization makes surfing around this site a bit time consuming (and the fact that a lot of the entries are in a foreign language, mostly German, add a little built-in level of surprise,) I found quite a few interesting young designers/firms on D.S.

A brief sampling:
Thumbring "is a thumb ring which helps to hold your book open – good for reading in bed, the bath or on the beach."

Salad Cutlery..."mostly of two pieces, which belong together. I made the two pieces out of one spoon. The two pieces work for their own, but they show their belonging. Not only in the same kind of form, but rather in the way that they can still put together to one spoon.

Fingerlinges are the opposite of those fingerless gloves, sort of...

Other "of interest" items that I found while on DS include this site about pimping out the massively popular IKEA Billy bookcases and some naughty Germans' take on the Live Strong bracelets.

Cotinuing On The Crustacean Trend

In a sad twist, New Orleans is not only rebuilding from Hurricane Katrina, they're having one of the worst crawfish seasons in memory. P. Natty brought the crisis to my attention in the form of an email and the above link, with the Subject heading "Nooooo." He bought a giant fry daddy last year in the hopes of having a crawfish party but luck has not worked in his favor. Although, perhaps in the favor of the little buggers we were gonna boil alive, no?

According to the article, the trouble actually started with Hurricane Rita but also had to do with droughts before and after the storm:
"Rice farmers grow crawfish in their fields after the harvest as a way to make some money during the winter and spring. They seed the fields with crawfish during rice season, and the creatures burrow down into the mud and lay eggs. After the harvest, the farmers flood their fields and the crawfish and their babies feed on the green rice shoots and grass that remain at the bottom of the pond. Rita sent walls of saltwater into the rice fields, which the crawfish didn't mind so much. But the saltwater killed the vegetation they feed on. The crawfish either didn't show up or were so small that it wasn't worth the price of the diesel it would have taken to harvest and sell them..."

The prices have escalated so much that the prices are four times higher than in a normal season. It has caused understandable duress:
"Melissa Young's daddy was the one who delivered the bad news about her March wedding. She had hoped to have a big crawfish boil for her rehearsal dinner in Hammond, La. But it's been a bad, bad season for crawfish. Even if her family could get enough, the price is just too high. Ms. Young's guests will have to settle for a fish fry."

Such is the Southern existence, I suppose. But, hey, think of it this way: we Catholics have been eating fish fry for the past three Fridays and it's pretty ok so far.

Luckily for us up North, Bobby Crocker reported that Maine is having a a bumper crop of cold water shrimp this year. They're so plentiful that, according to the Press Herald article, "one reader from Rockland says he's seen a truck selling them for 50 cents a pound."

YES-SA! That's what I call a triple threat: cheap, delicious. and easy to prepare..."Shock the shrimp by bringing some salted water or court boullion up to a boil, then turn it off. Pour it over the shrimp for 15 to 20 seconds, then plunge them right into an ice bath." Bobby heard a recommendation of some sort of vinegar swishing sauce, so maybe he could post the (NPR) link, but you can also just eat them with cocktail sauce, in a salad, or even better, with some grapefruit slices and a zesty mustard-mayonnaise sauce (as I saw suggested here.)

Regardless, looks like P. Natty might get to have his three-pot affair. Hopefully he'll invest in this handy, time-saving peeler. Maybe he'll even use the "holy trinity of Cajun cuisine" in his preparations – that would be bell pepper, onion, and celery.

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HAPPY 30TH BOBBY CROCKER!!!

"Because you’re not a little boy in his twenties anymore;
you listen to public radio on your daily commute,
you know about current popular music,
you “take risks” with your wardrobe that those
pansy-ass undergrads couldn’t even grasp.

You’re a Steve McQueen,
a fucking Terrence Howard in “Hustle and Flow.”
An icon, a player, a new classic.
So it’s time to stop playing around.
You’re ready, they’re waiting…stop fighting it.
It’s time for 30.
It’s time to pin on

A MAN BROOCH"

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(note: Bobby's birthday was actually on Saturday, but I couldn't post this text from the tag I made to go with his present until today because, obviously, I hadn't given him the man brooch yet. Now I have, so my work is done. Long live risqué men's fashion, and here's a scotch raised to Bobby's best year yet. Pictures of him actually wearing the man brooch hopefully forthcoming...until then, a pic of Terrence Howard wearing a similar pin will have to suffice.)

Friday Medal Round: Ultrasuede Tortoise

I'm sure that, by now, everyone has heard about the new species of crustacean discovered off the coast of Easter Island and described as a "furry lobster". Cute! And being white, it's real pretty too. They could have done better on the name, though — Kiwa hirsuta — sounds a little like the newest compact import from Kia to me. How about Bubba, Elizabeth I, Bob Smith, Pearl, or any other number of monikers that historically trigger the thought of complete whiteness?

Also, I love the media's description: "The animal is white and 15 centimeters (5.9 inches) long — about the size of a salad plate."

Could they have compared it to something not related to eating?

Regardless, the mere discovery of furry little Merle makes me almost squeal with glee — because it means that there could be numberous other animals out there we've each only imagined could be real THAT ARE ACTUALLY REAL! Or, Fluffer might just turn into an inspirational piece of urban slang. "Don't forget about the furry lobster" might well become a religious part of pre-game sports huddles, especially here in New England. I can almost hear one pudgy suburban fan turn to another at Fenway and say, "What ahr they sayin' abowt lobstahs?"

FRIDAY MEDAL ROUND: Name your dream "combination animals" (i.e. adjective+animal=furry lobster)
Gold: Looped tail mini cat - never gets bigger AND hangable around the neck (with cell phone) for travel
Silver: Ultrasuede tortoise - no salmonella, easy to catch/nice for petting, comes in a variety of colors
Bronze: Spineless Gentoo - for risk-free squeezing

Her Ringtone? "I Feel Pretty"

Since even children under the age of 10 can now own a mobile phone, naturally our society feels that pets deserve a cellie, too.

According to ShinyShiny, the PetsCell features:

"GPS (so you can track your pet), an owner call button (so someone can alert you he's been found if you manage to lose him despite the GPS), and a speaker phone that will automatically answer if you call from a recognised and approved phone number (which will stop your dog from falling prey to telemarketers when you're out of the house)."

However, everyone will note that the product is only slated to be released as bone-shaped, which indicates that the target market is canines...or cross-dressing cats (zing!) That's ok...because, like me, BKP always screens.

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(Oddly, both the PetsCell and the Wirefly Kids Cellie come with neck straps – unspoken hint or mere coincidence?)

Will You Accept This (CAD Rendering of a) Rose?

Holy shizat, architects really are the new rock stars! Aside from already-existing evidence, Gothamist is reporting that ABC producers are searching for a "man of many elevations" to be the next Bachelor.

I can hardly disagree on the idea, although I've never had the fortune of dating an architect. They are fun, smart, handy, have excellent taste in music, and usually sharp dressers, albeit in an, erm, "creatively conservative" way (but come on, we ALL know sweater vests have some kinky hotness factor to them.) Besides, according to The Polish Princess, these are the only guys worth marrying.

As per usual, the female contingent of next season's The Bachelor will be the same stereotypical, ethnically-mixed group of vanilla puddings as ever.

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Could one of these wily foxes be the next Bachelor? Nah, they're all married. But keep looking, gals .
(top row l-r: Bobby Crocker, The Mad Hungarian, bottom row: Jiminy Cricket's hubster Zach...who has yet to be identified with a nickname on this site)

BUMP WATCH! 3.8.06

How are these for some "booties"?

"My First Cowboy Boot", a purchase for Baby ChoBo/Kicker/Professor E./Sprout/Vinz Clortho...shown next to Cho's own cowgirl kicks for contrast + cuteness.

Maybe This Time I Won't Run, Maybe I'll Own Up To What I've Done

Again, I've missed my official Blog anniversary (blogiversary?) This unisex salon of popular culture hit the inter-net officially on September 19, 2003 although I started working on its content almost 27 years ago (I doubt anything highly comedic happened those first 12 months.) And if I do ever open a clothing store, well, it's probably going to be called "The Devil's Underpants."

Over two years, and I still love receiving emails from, uh, "readers"? That seems pretentious to say, but unless you're just really into the digipic of me and P. Natty's niece, you probably have to be literate to enjoy this site to the fullest. Some readers (there I go again) seek advice, others (like myself) are in treatment for DKCD (Damian Kulash Compulsive Disorder), a few really REALLY like Usher, and many are just confused, I suppose.

It's been a year+ since I...OPENED UP THE BLOGORELLI MAILBAG [Volume #2]!

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++ EMAIL #1 ++
(this one was actually a comment, but close enough...and too good to pass up)

"SPANDEX WEARING ARE THE BEST THING TO WEAR IN GRESHAM AND IN PORTLAND OREGON AND WOULD BE NICE TO FIND SOME PEOPLE THAT LIKE WEARING SPANDEX SO EMAIL ME AT kingofspandex@yahoo.com
Posted by: chente | 04 March 2006 at 05:22 AM"

There are so many places I could go with this, so I'll just say...well, please email this, er, person if any of you like to be wearing the spandex. Ahem.

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++ EMAIL #2 ++

"SUZE SAYS: Sex & Text!
This Saturday night on The Suze Orman Show don't miss Sex and the Single Wallet
Hi it’s Suze. I'm talking money and dating on my show Saturday at 9pm and 12am ET. I want to hear from you! GIVE ME THE LOWDOWN ON WHO PAYS FOR WHAT ON A DATE.
Text me at 62288 (NBCTV)
Be sure to use SUZE as the first word"

Jesus H, Orman...like I am even remotely close to home or unoccupied in a romantic way that would allow me to text you about who is paying on my date with Jonathan Rhys Meyers! Besides, we both know, you and I, that I always watch your Saturday night show during rerun on Sunday afternoon. Uh, yes...right after JRM leaves to pick up breakfast and the New York Times.

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++ EMAIL #3 ++

"Blogorelli,
I stumbled across your blog, via ..., actually I don't remember how (I think it may have had something to do with the dodi and di statues). Anyway, I have been engrossed for the past little while, happily distracted from my work. It is totally entertaining and beautiful. Thanks"
Alexis

I love emails like this...send more (anyone.)

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++ EMAIL #4 ++

"Blogorellli,
I SWEAR, I have more going on in my life besides updating you on developments within the world of OK Go (BLOGORELLI NOTE: Uh, Kristin, no folly in a little OkGo tracking), but my friend sent me a link to the "official" Do What You Want video (shot back in June by the fancy French director) and I thought you might want to see it...you can stream the vid from here, but it's pretty pixelated and took forever to load.
Kristin"

Kristin first tipped me off to the "Million Ways" dance video many months back; she and I comprise a secret mini Damian Kulash crushcluster. Anyway, I did go to the Boston show and I do like the video (tech note: let it load fully before playing) even though it sort of gives me vertigo and there aren't enough looong shots of DK's face. But there is at least one hot bum lookie, so, quality swag. Thanks, and keep sending the goodies!

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++ EMAIL #5 ++

"Aloha:
I was just reading your blog about training BKP Sophia with Citi Kitty and wondered how it was going. I am thinking about trying it for my three cats (one blind).
Thanks for any updates.
Diane"

I am most shameful in admitting that not only can't I remember if I responded to Diane's email but I haven't even bought BKP her own CitiKitty. Things just kept interrupting: the holidays, my arm and soon, Italy. But once I come back from Florence, she's getting up on that seat and..."going" tall.

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++ EMAIL #6 ++
(also a comment but, once again, irresistable)

"There is nothing wrong with vegan food.
Nikki"

Then you've never eaten an eggless "brownie."

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There you have it. And I might also add that out of all the emails from the past 12 months, only one tried to sell me a typewriter and the majority of this site's comments are still about a certain male singer. So keep the electronic messages coming and maybe by next March I'll be able to pick out at least 5 to post in MAILBAG [Version #3] that aren't about genital enlargement or Usher (if those could indeed be considered two separate topics.)

This Post Is Actually A Montage

...and I'm wearing a nude-colored dress while typing it.

Unfortunately, the 78th Annual Academy Awards left much to be desired (when even your own host makes fun of the montage sequences, you've got too many montages!) Many celebrities seemed to have rehearsed their speeches in advance, which eliminated possible "Halle-esque" moments at the microphone...not that you could hear the winners anyway over THE ORCHESTRA THAT NEVER CEASED PLAYING. The rappers were the only people to thank God, and Dolly Parton may have created the first android and sent it to perform in her place (I love ya', Dolly, but the compete lack of aging in your face is...just.eerie.)

Jennifer Gardner almost took a face plant (YES!) but didn't (DAMN IT TO...), Cho spent the night observing the post-pregnancy glow of various actresses ("She didn't used to be that pretty, but now...she looks great!") and I'll be buying some of the new Tab energy drink to fuel my upcoming JCPenney shopping spree. Even the fashion was a bit lackluster, as it seemed like a few repeat offenders (Mariah? Diane?) were not in attendance. That being said, I managed to find a few photos worth posting from CNN.com:

Reese Witherspoon= lovely (and also reproduces well on HDTV fyi) but Ryan Phillipe= cross-eyed...even though I'm pretty sure Reesey told him to lay off the sauce until after she won, er, her category was announced. I'm rooting for this couple, but the "kiss-on-the-cheek" congratulations always hints at possible marriage cool-down. I predict an UsWeekly cover in about two weeks. On the other side of the spectrum, Charlize Theron had some giant bird/pouf/bow about to attack her always-plesasantly-tanned face. Duck...DUCK CHARLIZE or that bird is going to peck your eye out and make you ugly in real life, too! AAAck!

I know we're all thinking the same thing...what the FUCK is J-Lo doing here? Is she "acting" again? Gah. And from the neck up, she looks exactly the same as at every other awards show. If seeing RoboLatino-Lo trying to revive her career after marrying Marc "Rat Man" Athony didn't completely blind most of you, note the other two photos. Hilary Swank looked very calm and collected for someone going through a divorce, I mean separation, I mean Chad Lowe hasn't worked since at least '98. If Jennifer Aniston had a theme song it would be "Still The Same" by Bob Seger. The hair, the smile, the body...they never change. But sometime consistency is a good thing – she looked great (do I mean "happy"?) and had on some nice bling.

"Man brooches...MAAAaaaAn BROooOcheS!" In my personal favorite trend of the night, many gentleman wore jeweled brooches on their suits. I was into it...it will be my new favorite thing to scream on the street in 2010, when Boston males actually catch up to fashion-forward trends and stop wearing khackis with pleats.
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Anyone else...thoughts?

Friday Medal Round: And The Trophy Goes To

(I've decided to keep on keepin' on with the medal round, post-Turino, because I like the three answer format.)

Things have been hectic this week, so much so that I nearly forgot about the 78th Annual Academy Awards this Sunday! Woo! That makes for an easy medal round...

FRIDAY MEDAL ROUND: Most likely to commit a Fug violation on the red carpet?

BLOGORELLI
Gold - Scarlett Johansson's boobs, I meant DRESS...silly me!
Silver - Felicity Huffman (50/50 shot that she dresses as an actual trannie like at the Golden Globes)
Bronze - Paul Giamatti (he had a giant grizzly beard at the last awards show, and besides, I wanted to put a man on my list and Robin Williams seemed too easy)

Just Like Heaven

Tonight I was able to take a bath for the first time in nearly four weeks due to shorter/slimmer version of O'Malley, and the Cure said it best...I had practically a religious experience! YES, I've been taking showers otherwise, after doing the "Hefty Jig" for ten minutes beforehand and holding my arm up at an angle outside of the curtain during, while furiously trying to lather and rinse with one lame hand.

While we're dancing around the topic of nudity, can I just ask why why WHY I need to continue seeing celebrity breast flashes? First Tara Reid, then Bai Ling and now Lindsay Lohan...I feel like I know their "girls" better than my own, due to the overpublicity of these random boob slips on the celebrity gossip sites. Makes me wonder whether there have always been slip-ups (heh) but that no one would dare release the shots pre-Janet.

On another note, L.L. apparently got served plate #2 of eating disorder…with a side of breast augmentation scarring.

Better than a Cast

for pick-ups...a chihuahua? Maybe I should have a picture of a chihuahua airbrushed on my cast=double threat?

(from Craigslist)

9 month old chihuahua

Reply to: sale-137123495@craigslist.org
Date: 2006-02-26, 7:51AM EST

beutiful short coat female chihuahua.
tell me about youself.......

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Also, did I mention that I now have a green cast? Bing got too loose so he had to be forcibly removed with a portable radial saw. Now I have "O'Malley" (for short and "Seamus O'Malley" in full)...which I think is appropriate both because of color, the fact that St. Patrick's Day is upcoming, and also because it sounds tough to say "O'Malley and I are hitting the pub after work to pull some pints." Who knows? With the amount of crowd aggression at Monday's Belle&Sebastian show + O'Malley, I may finally FINALLY get to live my dream of a bar fight.

(Below, some pics with O'Malley, making this hilarious "thumbs up" motion that I've started doing since getting a cast. Who know just a little jaunty cocking of the arm could produce such comedic results? True, I look a little red and the photos are slightly blurry, but you try hauling a 5 lb thing around on your arm AND taking quality digipics while medicated. )

"Your mom/brother/aunt/friend/third cousin/bank clerk/telemarketer had a broken wrist/arm/collarbone/leg/ankle once? Reaalllly? Tell me more. No, don't, just help me open this jar of peanut butter or operate the soup bar ladle."

"I know that you didn't just shove me out of the way to get that last seat on the train when you can clearly see that I CAN ONLY USE ONE ARM AND AM CARRYING THREE SHOPPING BAGS. No problem, though, I'll grasp on to this dirty pole over here with my fingertips…and sheer will."

"OOo -- who said 'chihuahua'? Tell me about yourself..."