This morning, I have my six week check-up/x-rays on the distal radius. It's been a long run, one that perhaps yielded the most cast changes in Harvard Vanguard's history (5: red=Bing, greenX3=O'Malley, black). The most recent cast, a handsome greyish black color, is named Captain Black Pearl, and also conveniently looks a lot like the egg from which Jeff Goldblum emerged as The Fly. Bobby Crocker noted that the casting tape is similar in appearance to kevlar, after which Cho said that the cast is actually a disguise and I could kill a man with this arm. I liked that, and assured her that I would use my go-go-gadget-wrist to protect her stomach (a superpower in itself, actually) if anyone ever shot at us while we were superspying.
Captain Black Pearl could possibly be walking the plank this morning, sawed off (a terrifying and hot experience that I've been lucky enough to endure four times already) and replaced by a removable brace LINED WITH STEEL. It's been a long six weeks, and admittedly stinky at times, but once the cast is gone for good I plan on disinfecting my right fingers/palm for at least 20 minutes straight, and then taking a shower, during which I will wash my hair with both hands probably 5 times.
The people of Boston have been surprisingly nicer once they see my handicap, perhaps because they realize I'm already at a disadvantage so they needn't hit me with their car in the crosswalk or be verbally abusive in social situations. Obviously I'm already starting with less than a full deck physically here, so I'm really no "threat" to anyone (or am I=kevlar he-YA!)
Before I'm fiberglassless (hopefully forever,) I humbly present: a few things that anyone who has to get a cast should know:
1. They make casts you can get wet. "PROCEL Cast Liner contains billions of tiny pores that stop the passage of liquid water, but allow water vapor to pass through. Water does not wet the Liner, only your skin. Most of the water will drain quickly out the ends of your cast. After a few minutes, the water on your skin will become warm from your body heat and start to evaporate. The water vapor will then pass slowly through the Liner and out through your fiberglass cast."
If you don't need to get your cast changed every week because your arm is shrinking to a mere flesh-colored bone, buy this tape (one roll) and take it in with you; the doctor will use it instead of cotton under your cast. Hallejulah!
2. Someone jokingly suggested I find a higher fashion casting tape. Guess what? Patterned casting tape is real, Virginia. Usually they only have this stuff in children's wards (I asked my casting nurse) but you could make a special request. Even though camouflage is so at least last year (but apparently globally popular.)
(Below: I thought I got hit with the shit stick - this kid has TWO short casts! That woman is not enjoying the shower in her cheesy pink cast neary enough. So many patterns, and only six-eight weeks of healing!)