Since I am nearly a professional at "Nuptial Support" after Wedding-Palooza of 2004, Half Pint asked me (and Cho too=just coming off her first bridesmaid tour of duty) to accompany when she ventured to the Bobbi Brown counter on Saturday to buy her bridal make-up. Any woman who has either known a bride or been a bride is aware that this make-up called "bridal" refers to a different genre than the average cosmetics. These products have to make a girl look perfect and radiant-yet-natural, all while withstanding flashbulbs that would make even UsWeekly paparrazzi cringe.
Half Pint heard B.B. could help her achieve this "enhanced look" for her and Mr. Car's special day.
We entered Saks. Now, I've never been in one of these "high-end" department stores like Nordstroms, Barneys, or Lord & Taylor. Cho was much more prepared for the environment, having grown up on the West Coast. In Pittsburgh, the only choices are, natch were, Kaufmans (and of course, JCPenney.) But as we approached the display, Cho clammed up a bit, having confessed earlier that cosmetic counters make her nervous because the associates always make you over and then use guilt to sell products. I, however, having many horrid make-overs in my past and an empty checking account in my present, was ready for the assault.
Half Pint calmly asked about getting her face done, all wedding-like. Cho and I settled in to watch. Right at the beginning, Linda (our helpful associate) confidently said, "Oh yes, I'm going to use The Stick."
"The Stick"?!? Wh-What? Is that something they hit the customer with to cause a healthy glow and even skin tone? Can anyone use this magical tool? Will The Stick make my teeth look whiter?
After Linda finished up the wedding makeup, I confided out loud my need to try The Stick. The product turned out to be just hard foundation in a tube, but Half Pint's face looked so good that I became convinced The Stick could be my all-in-one solution. I needed this thing, most especially since I don't usually wear any make-up at all.
Halfway in, Linda and I arrived at a difficult place, dry and unkind -- my under-eyes. Before a real job, insomnia, and, hell, the age of 23, my skin felt supple and could blind a child with its vibrance (ha!) Linda took one look at me and gasp (yes, out loud) before grimly stating, "The Stick cooould work. But what we obviously need here is The Corrector."
The Corrector?!? Suddenly I had gone from some kind of organic S&M party to the State Detention Facility. The Stick might tease your skin into shape...The Corrector would MAKE those pores comply, even if it meant scrubbing with burlap, scalding water and some old lye. I sucked in my breath. Cho and Half Pint looked tentative.
But The Corrector didn't even involve a jumpsuit (sadly); just some shimmery concealer to fix my blue undertones. Linda then emphasized many times over that I NEED to use eye cream and sent us on our way. So if you see a girl on the train hunched over in a corner, rubbing lard onto her face and then sealing in the moisture with Saran Wrap, please excuse. It's all in the name of natural beauty.
(Below: my first successful photo+transmission from the new cellie. "Here Comes the Half Pint...")