Bow-Wow-Whiten

Two recently noted products that are both terrifying yet irresistibly attractive to me: IonicWhite 21 Minute Teeth Whitening System and the Bow Lingual Dog Bark Translator.

After investing in hundreds of Crest Whitestrips, I can now move to the next level and whiten my teeth at home  with IonicWhite 's scary-looking lighted mouthpiece and gels. How will the system make my teeth 2-6 shades whiter in only a few weeks of 21 minute sessions, hmmm? Well, "The gel contains silver ions which activate when exposed to the harmless blue led light. The silver ions cause the active bleaching ingredients to work faster and penetrate deeper into the tooth."

That sounds harmless enough, right? Plus, most of the Testimonials claim that "there is no pain associated with using SonicWhite." And — hello? I would be using something that is called "SONIC" to whiten my teeth. Apparently, the teeth appear scarily "transparent" during the light process, but hey, that's where I'm headed anyway at this pace.

                  

A little less intimidating, perhaps, is the BowLingual dog bark translator. Originally sold only in Japan (shocker!) this collar/transmitter can "translate barks for more than 80 different dog breeds." And mutts needn't worry — "based on the dog's size and muzzle shape, the BowLingual Translator can be set to translate for ANY dog."
 
Doesn't hurt that the "walkie talkie" the human owner interacts with to find out if the canine is Needy, Happy, or Self-Assertive uses cute anime graphics. The BowLingual is a little too enabled for me, though, with its "Home Alone" feature that records the dog's barks throughout the day and lets you review them in a "Bow Wow Diary" when you return. A little insecure yourself? The "MBF" feature tells the owner what kind of friend s/he has been to Man's Best Friend based on reading from the emotional state in the dog's sounds while the two of you are interacting. Anyone feel a therapy session coming?

Of course, there is no MeowLingual in the works..probably because most felines silently judge and only a brainwave monitor could communicate how inept they feel humans act most of the time. Except BKP, naturally — she loves me unconditionally ALL of the time.

Comments

[pnatty]

Please, do not purchase this absurdly terrifying whitening product.

WEEKS of 21-minute sessions?!?

I love your teeth the way they are (i.e. already white),

pn

[General Disarray]

the teeth-whitening device looks terrifying. your pearly whites will be glowing blue in no time flat.