Gentle Sympathy Does Not a Quality Older Sister Make

Apologies for going MIA again at the beginning of this week…I had a bit of family "dram-er" (as they would say here in The Bean) happen involving my brother, the Hairy Fat Worm.

Brandon had moved to L.A. two weeks ago with the plan to attend school out West, and pursue some music stuff in his spare time. On Saturday evening, I received a frantic message from my mother saying that he was thinking of pulling an about-face and coming home before the first day of classes. Now, the offspring of my family (that would be H.F.W. and myself) have a "special" history of trying to flee stressful stiuations and head straight back to the biological nest. I know the feeling of being alone and tentative in an unfamiliar location; I mean, I had my Carnegie Mellon transfer papers filled out by the end of my first week of classes at U.Cincinnati.

Still, I stuck with college…and I've stuck with Boston (thus far,) despite a few anxiety-triggered episodes where I threatened to leave. And through everything, I really think that I am stronger and have a fuller life for riding the bumps and not turning the car around, so to speak. As such, I was determined to convince my brother that he could make it in a new, exciting city, too. I mean, hell, who wouldn't want to live the student lifestyle next to the ocean in Cali?

After nearly two hours of intense phone conversation where I picked his brain clean of all doubt, irrational fear, and restored practicality and order, I turned my nightstand light off at 1:37 a.m. I had fulfilled my role as The Older Sibling. I was supportive, logical, reassuring.

Sunday was quiet…eerily quiet.

On Monday evening, I got another message from Mother-elli that Brandon hadn't even gone to the first day of classes and was coming home, like, as we spoke. The two months of rent paid? The textbooks bought? The available West Coast college frosh? All squandered and disregarded. Suddenly, I felt like a pretty lame big sister. Harumph.

I guess my brother will likely beat me home since my flight doesn't arrive in Pittsburgh until Thursday evening and he's been on the road for over two days now. I'm sure we'll have words, although I'm almost too sad and disappointed and confused to engage. What makes a very capable someone freeze and bolt repeatedly?

I love my brother, but I hate his patterns of behavior.

One thing is for sure…it's time for some tough love. So if that kid stays in the shower for longer than 15 minutes while I'm at home, he's getting a bucket of freezing cold water poured over his head and me screaming, "How's California lookin' NOW?!?!"

Comments

[thebizofknowledge]

I stumbled upon this site as I was in the process of doing some online research. We are all enriched when we conquer our fears, but each has his own timetable.

[Half Pint]

By mug, I refer to the many previous pics of the HFW- I understand For Sale by Parents is not related. I hope.

[Half Pint]

Having never met him, I can tell just by looking at his mug he would have fared better in the Bay Area than LA. Maybe it's not about sticking it out, but more about assessing expectations and making informed choices? And I mean that in the kindest of ways. On the other hand, what better environment to start out new than in school. Tell him when he's an elderly 33 like me he'll just be creepy old guy in Continuing Ed.

[J9]

Hey cris,
It's Janine, Brandon's friend. You met me a long time ago. Don't feel bad, I tried talking to him too and I now feel like a shitty friend. I know he thinks the world of you and he wouldn't have called if he didn't. But Brando goes to the beat of his own drum. On another note, I'm talking a computer mediations class at PPU, and our class project is to create a blog, I was wondering if maybe one day you could help me or give me some kind of advice with that. I have no clue when it comes to computers. Anyway, I just wanted to say hello, and comment on Brando, I'm sure he be fine. Take care, drive safe to Pittsburgh!!

[a classic girl]

Jeez, I agree with Blogorelli.

I am a grade-A #1 chicken, and if it weren't for my inflexible parents I would have fled from everything (which is odd, as they instilled the fear in me in the first place).

He needs to gather some confidence and get on with it. LA is not so bad.

But truly, I think the problem is that he may not know what to do with his life and it wouldn't matter where he lived. I went through that myself and it's difficult. He has to know himself, grasshopper, before he can make a good/good for now life choice.