Out Of Control Engine, Track Number Nine

Britney, Britney, Britney,

I feel like we've been here before...

You got me free dinner and even a mention in the Globe. What can I possibly give back? Perhaps the only thing that I have to offer any celebrity -- advice, coupled with scathing criticism. A little sugar to help the medicine go down, so to speak.

Little Kim suggested that I check out your website earlier today. Good lordy, honey, put the emergency brake on this current trainwreck! Paris Hilton needs a new pet less than she needed that last one...you know, the rabid little marsupial who bit her and required her to get a tetanus shot. Ask yourself, Brit...is someone else a little primal? hanging on Paris' shoulder? willing to bite for media attention?

Just saying...

Here's what academic types call an "analogy." Ok, I'll make it more of a "fun little story" for your sake. Say that I marry a physically and emotionally unhygienic man. A thesarus-bearing person might possibly use the word "dirty."

I marry a dirty boy. Trust me, I've had more than my pick throughout the years, mostly from the phase when I dated  band guys. Anyway, after a while (and two children perhaps?) I realize that he's trash and lose him. But no matter how many times I take out the trash after he's gone, the can is never empty. Smells kind of wanky, too. And everyone cringes when they see me, but I just don't understand...

Here's the point, Brit. We're all rooting for you...to clean up, not be trashy. Try it for a day. Don't go anywhere, do anything, or especially write a blog post without the Holy Trinity: your stylist, publicist, and manager. Notice how Paris Hilton isn't in that grouping?

And for chrissakes, stop talking big and put on your stupid Victoria Secrets underpants already.

Comments

[the polish princess]

like I've always said, "you can take the girl out of the trailer park..."

well, you know how it goes!
;)