b l o g o r e l l i

Stage Direction

Bobby and P Natty, your calling is, well, calling...

(from the Washington, DC, Craigslist)

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

Actor needed for emotional role – One day high pay

Date: 2009-04-17, 12:52PM EDT

My deceased aunt gave my two kids a Cocker Spaniel a few months back. The dog has been a terror and become overwhelming for me. I am a single father raising two young children. I cannot face telling the kids that the dog must go. I have found a good home for the dog, and just need someone to transport the dog, and play the villain.

Premise: You will be the dog walker hired by daddy (me) to walk Skittles. I will introduce you to the kids, and you will tell them you are going to help Skittles get her exercise when Daddy is too busy to walk her. At that point you will walk Skittles to your car and take her to her new family 20 minutes from my place. Then return holding just a leash. The story will be that Skittles broke free of the leash and took off. At this point prepare for crying, things being thrown at you, and possibly cursing. My kids are young and dramatic, their girls.

Pay will be $500. The job will take roughly 2 hours at best.

This job is ideal for an actor looking to diversify their role base, or someone who genuinely likes to make children cry. Acting experience is a plus, but not necessary. Please inform me of any prior experience in this kind of situation.

. . . . . . .

Wow, who knew parents could be so manipulative (and willing to pay for said deception?) This ad kind of reminds me of when Dad-orelli bought me a guitar for my 15th birthday and told me it had been played by Bob Dylan during a show at the Civic Arena to entice me to practice. Of course, the guitar hadn't been owned by anyone named Bob except for my father, and I never did learn how to play but my brother found the guitar years later, taught himself, and is an amazing guitarist...

...Azoy gait es.

What a Week

So, these past seven days have been a bit like...

This past weekend, the Weber grill had its opening day...

"Competition grade" charcoal

"The chimney starter is bigger than my head...no, really"

That amount of smoke is normal, no?

...The Prof and I conducted our third annual (!) beard shaving ritual

In the beginning

Serious business

Doughnut muffin returneth

We saw a (bigger) apartment...and filled out applications! The landlady called yesterday, and we'll be moving in on May 15. That's right, a mere three weeks away...yea?

We also found a wedding string duet to play at our ceremony and bought our champagne glasses for reception toasting (a detail that I thought unnecessary until I saw these contemporary beauties, not a great photo)...

Now, a few current obsessions:

- homemade muslin hankies

 

- greta garbo style

- color schemes that go with our new kitchen's green countertops and backsplashes (thx, Half Pint, via Apartment Therapy)

- Vintage DIY hairstyles

Pig + Tink = Pink

A daschund 'adopts' a piglet:

“This new mom is also fostering this piglet for another mom who couldn’t take care of him. He had his eyes closed, but now they are open. He is just a little bigger than her other pups. She loves this little guy more than the other puppies and she is nursing him back to health. He is the cleanest ‘puppy’ ever because she licks him all the time.”

And I'm spent on my cuteness quotient for the week.

Why do I just know in my heart of HEARTS that this pig would wear a sweater?

Winter DIY Project

BKP Sophia turns 11-years-old this year, and in her advancing age, is getting persnickety about wearing the occasional sweater or costume. As such, I've found a new lovey something to personalize for her...

an IKEA-hacked cat bed!

"My cat Titina is very fat, it is 9 kg and she used me like a bed. Now it is very hot so I was looking for a nice and comfortable place where it can sleep. Looking at the Italian Ikea store, I have found the Bastis Krona at €59 ($69.99) which I thought was very expensive. Looking for something else to adapt I found the Duktig doll bed at €14,99 ($19.99) and I made Titina happy!"

Ahhhh yeahhh. Now, I only need to figure out which fabric she might like for her cozy new bed.

Bacon-Jacked

AAAAACK! Just call this blog "Bacon orelli" from now on...

Go here to perform your own cured meat URL terrorism.

(thx to The Dairy Queen)

That's Just...Super

Sometimes I need mindless fun, and today that meant creating my own superhero. So here I am, a lowkey superspy, wearing Tiffany blue to show that I will eventually finish the wedding planning...and ready to use my stick to clear people out of my way as I walk briskly to the train in this recently frigid weather.

And let me me introduce my superhero fiancé, Money. He's so...sexy?

Anyone want to join our (justice) league?

Single, Couples, and Queens

Sorry to disappoint, but this post is actually a random note to check out Toby Richardson's exhibit (well, book) of the same name, which consists of photographs of vintage mattresses. I love the old patterns on mattress cover fabric; why are contemporary mattresses so bland looking.

From Richardson:
"This publication doesn’t simply duplicate my exhibited work; instead it offers insight into each individual mattress. Each image has a story to tell and is in essence a portrait of its previous owner."

The mattress that we slept on while visiting PA, which is at least 40 years old and belonged to my Uncle Jerry during his boyhood, had a cheerful, green daisy print. However, the actual character of the mattress was definitely bi-polar, because while it put on a happy face, the damn thing said "F-ck off" all night long as The Prof and I tried not to sink into its large middle moat.

Look -- More Singles, Couples, and Queens!

My New Answer When Asked Why I Curb Salvage

I could find history!

Like Don Levy, the owner of Deluxe Diner in Watertown (one of Half Pint + Mr. Car's favorite haunts,) who found a suitcase of Hiroshima photos which fill a missing visual piece of history.

. . . .

"...Taken during the weeks following the bombing, they show a landscape that is eerily vacant and quiet, like ruins from a vanished civilization. But why were they taken and by whom? And how is it that they ended up in a pile of garbage?

...The man who found the photographs, Don Levy (no relation) lives and works in Watertown, a working-class suburb of Boston. Levy owns and operates the Deluxe Town Diner. It’s almost two o’clock in the afternoon and the lunch crowd is thinning out. He sits down for the first time that day and tucks into a Reuben sandwich, fries and a glass of water. He is wearing brown corduroy trousers, a dark blue pullover and horn rimmed glasses. His grey hair is cut short, with a fashionable tuft sticking straight up on top.

...'When I opened the suitcase that night I knew what I was looking at almost right away,' he says softly. 'Some of the prints had 'Hiro', short for Hiroshima, written on their edges.' He takes a bite of the sandwich. 'I felt pleased to have found them but at the same time I was saddened by what I was looking at.'

...Levy is a connoisseur of found objects (he’s a collector of vintage metal toys, commercial packaging and fabric sample books, among other things). Finding the photographs was the peak of his trash diving career. But the problem is that he didn’t know what to do with them. They were in terrible shape — some were stuck together, others had been hole-punched and stuffed into binders. One of his customers is an antiques dealer; she recommended putting them in archival sleeves. He did so and then he put them in storage while he concentrated on the more pressing demands of his business ventures and the necessities of putting his six children through school."

. . . .

Amazing. Maybe now I can get some slack from the #1 hater of all trash pickers, Mr. Bobby Crocker.

Shuttering the Market, Into the Hive

This week is our last South End Open Market: October 26, 2008, which is also the closing day of the SEOM and Market of the Living Dead. The weather is calling for mostly sunny skies with a high of 64 degrees, great conditions for zombie watching!

In retrospect, I'm glad that I participated in the SEOM. We sold about 3/4 of my total merchandise and I got to meet lots of friendly people and helpful vendors.  Next year, if I have time with the wedding planning, I'm going to sign up for single days instead of a block.

We'll be running some amazing sales this week ($10 table, buy 1/get 1 jewelry) but what to do with the inevitable leftover inventory? Take the goodies to a nice cozy hive for the winter. More to come on those happenings as they develop.

Hope to see you on Sunday!
Blogorelli

Mark yer calendars for OCTOBER 26 -- the last market (for us, and in general.)

Make Me Babies

First comes love, then comes marrige, then comes Make Me Babies with virtual offspring in an html carriage. Huh?

Even though The Prof's mom reminded us that the correct order is "marriage, then babies" (no worries there, Mrs. Murf,) I still couldn't help getting sucked into the weird site Make Me Babies. Ever wonder what your child with a partner, friend, or "HOT celeb" might look like? The answer, like so many others in this big big world, is simply accessible online.

"MakeMeBabies' unique technology will show you exactly (well... almost exactly...) what your future child with another person will look like! We take both your photos, do some magic calculations, and congratulations! You have a new baby!"

If only the process of having an actual baby seemed so easy! Once I found the site, I became so curious that I made not one, but FIVE examples of what Mark and I's future children might look like "exactly (well...almost exactly." I am lukewarm on the results:

I guess all the, erm, kids look similar...but why do they have such big foreheads? Personally, I like the little dark haired snorkeler the best, although I suppose that I shouldn't play favorites... And I just plain don't trust #3 (girl with the flower crown.) Mark said just seeing all of our virtural children freaked him out a bit, and made me promise not to "make" any more babies.

Clearly, I needed a control group for testing. So I decided to use a pair that had produced a known entity old enough to compare to the MMB results...Cho and Bobby. Here, their actual offspring (with Auntie Em):

 

Here, their Make Me Babies (how much do I love that the first one is dressed up like a bird?):

In conclusion, I am highly skeptical of the MMB results, which makes me feel better about only having an 'eh' reaction to our possible brood. On the other hand, I'm glad to know that our odd, snorkel-loving son will have another of his kind for playdates!