b l o g o r e l l i

Ajumma Pama!

I'm a bit behind on the Buzzfeed with this one, but apparently Asians are crazy for tight perms, a la the 1980s. Holy balls, first I hear cinched leg pants are making a comeback, now this?!?

"Ajummas are everywhere. You can spot them by their squat bodies, aggressive attitude and permed head of hair (the “pama”). Most fashionable 20-30 somethings would not be caught dead in such a hairstyle, but with the 80’s look coming back in style, we are beginning to see the ajumma force spread to the masses...Bada uses the ajumma force in an attempt to revamp her career with horrid 80’s fashions. Shin Eun-kyung also channels the ajumma in her to play the strong, single career woman who seduces a man in order to have a baby in the SBS drama Bad Couple."

Ajumma: (아주마) a married woman characterized by short permed hair and aggressive attitude

When I first moved to The Bean in 2001, I toured Brookline's beauty salons attempting to revive the body wave. Oddly, contemporary salons don't seem to give "perms" anymore. But with the "pama" en vogue in Asia, I predict it can't be long before the trend hits American shores...and my Little Orphan Annie follicular dreams come true.

Brad Pitt, Architect?

Were I an actual architect who spent, like, a gazillion combined years in school, studying for licensing exams, and climbing my way up the ranks, I'd Make It Right for Brad Pitt...by smashing him one in that structurally perfect nose and/or mouth. Of course, he also has millions of dollars and managed to impregnante Angelina Jolie for a second time, so he'd probably turn the sucker punch into an opportunity to launch a crusade about reconstructive dental rights for low-income Appalachian families.

L. Ron, Audit Needed

Inter-net, make me understand...

Camera 1:

Camera 2:

EeeeK! Hey, has anyone seen Carol Channing lately?

Update: Leotards

I am so on top of things...

"Leotards" showed up on the Buzzfeed radar today, check it out!

Holly Jolly Fug?

Now, I see countless examples of questionable fashion on the celebrity gossip blogs that I read daily…and I'm willing to let a lot slide by -- but this one gave even me serious pause:

"Supermodel Kate Moss went for high drama in a black-and-white Fendi fur jacket over a belted unitard as she left North London home Monday. She was on her way to the Led Zeppelin Tribute To Ahmet Ertegun concert at the O2 Arena."

(from one of my favorites, JustJared.com)

Um-kay. Can I get some validation from The Inter-net that, even when one is as skinny as Kate, and as TopShop-designery as Kate, a unitard is not acceptable? I think she looks like a condor wearing a diaper.

Thoughts, anyone?

Inter-net, I Am NOT A Lohan-tanned, Cher Muppet!

Apparenty my Photoshop skills are not what they used to be in regard to color adjustment, because I do not have
- black hair
- orange, fake spray tan, skin
- jaundice

...as many people thought after seeing the photo which accompanied this post about my new haircut.

Just to set the record straight, below are a few shots to show the original (total Muppet), color adjusted (total Simpsons character) and "real" me. Oh, and a photo of Gwennie on the cover of "W" magazine, which served as 'inspiration' for the little post-haircut photoshoot.

ps: although I loved the Comments action, people...keep that coming!

And...I Have No Words

Ok, Britney Spears officially lost her shit this past weekend, shaved her head, and is now wearing one of the worst blonde bob wigs seen by the human eye since I was the Morton's Salt Girl for Halloween five years ago.

?

Am I the only one who doesn't understand the logic behind shaving one's head for the CONVENIENCE of being hairless but then wearing a WIG? Doesn't that ugly synthetic thing itch? Couldn't Brit call in a favor from Jessica Simpson and get Ken Pave to send over some better looking weaves?

Britney's wiffle: possibly more horrifying than when she went...panty-less? <Shudder.>

Her Highness...Dannielynn?

The Anna Nicole Smith child paternity drama is getting as crowded as the 2008 Democratic ticket...

(from IMDB.com)

Prince Frederic Plans Dash to the Bahamas To Claim Baby
Zsa Zsa Gabor's husband Prince Frederic Von Anhalt is officially adding his name to the paternity battle over late Anna Nicole Smith's baby daughter Dannielynn. The European royal came forward with claims he might be the biological father of the five month old last Friday - 24 hours after his one-time mistress died in Florida...The Prince told reporters yesterday he plans to file a paternity challenge to gain custody of the baby - even if it costs him his 20-year marriage to actress and socialite Gabor, who is said to be devastated by her husband's claims. Von Anhalt says, "If the court rules in my favor, I will go to The Bahamas and pick up the child. My wife says, `If you bring a baby home then it's over.' If my wife wants to divorce me then it's up to her."

I mean, seriously? Look at this guy. First Larry Birkhead, then Howard K. Stern, maybe former bodyguard Alex Denk and now friggin' Prince Frederic -- no wonder the woman had methodone in her fridge. I mean, I feel the need to medicate if only to shield myself against the barrage of ANS media coverage these days.

And why, a logical person might wonder, would all these guys want custody of Smith's sole remaining heir? Perhaps they are just nurturing human beings? Needing to assert their masculinity through infant care? Hmm.

I'll close with a clever (and slightly esoteric) line of thinking from The Badger Herald:

"...what must not be lost here is that the autopsy doesn’t matter. Why Ms. Smith died doesn’t matter. That she died doesn’t even matter. This woman was no more significant to the American public than you or me. Unlike James Brown, whose death a month-and-a-half ago somehow merited the same coverage as President Gerald Ford, it seems people didn’t even like this woman."

Exactly...
but I still totally want to know the extended autopsy results.

The Big Brangel-easy?

First Hurricane Katrina, then the crayfish shortage, now UsWeekly confirms that Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie have indeed moved their family to New Orleans.

Not to worry, though, they won't be in any of those 'icky' partially-recovered disaster zones. According to my favorite weekly read:

"While Pitt works (he’s filming The Curious Case of Benjamin Button locally), sources say Jolie, 31, plans on being a low-key mom in the $3.5 million, six-bedroom, four-and-a-half bath mansion the pair recently purchased (their fourth house) in the French Quarter.

'She’s interested in befriending normal moms so she can do things with the kids,' says a Jolie source."

Get ready to make those mint juleps neat, Southern ladies. And don't forget to mention the activism, NEVER forget the activism:

"The couple also hope to raise awareness for the region, which was devastated by Hurricane Katrina. Says the source, 'They think it is important to be there right now.'"

Besides his day job of being a movie star, Pitt is also in town to oversee (?) construction on 20 environmentally friendly houses through the Global Green USA's Sustainable Design Competition for New Orleans.

I say, think of the two stars as insurance, Big Easy...because Jolie will use those giant lips to suction any levee shut before the wall breaks and harms any forlorn adoption prospect.

(Below: Photo of Brangelina at Falling Water, a 'surprise' for his birthday since he 'is such an architecture buff...to which I say: Get out of my state. And also, I told you there was no need to get so bundled up!)

Out Of Control Engine, Track Number Nine

Britney, Britney, Britney,

I feel like we've been here before...

You got me free dinner and even a mention in the Globe. What can I possibly give back? Perhaps the only thing that I have to offer any celebrity -- advice, coupled with scathing criticism. A little sugar to help the medicine go down, so to speak.

Little Kim suggested that I check out your website earlier today. Good lordy, honey, put the emergency brake on this current trainwreck! Paris Hilton needs a new pet less than she needed that last one...you know, the rabid little marsupial who bit her and required her to get a tetanus shot. Ask yourself, Brit...is someone else a little primal? hanging on Paris' shoulder? willing to bite for media attention?

Just saying...

Here's what academic types call an "analogy." Ok, I'll make it more of a "fun little story" for your sake. Say that I marry a physically and emotionally unhygienic man. A thesarus-bearing person might possibly use the word "dirty."

I marry a dirty boy. Trust me, I've had more than my pick throughout the years, mostly from the phase when I dated  band guys. Anyway, after a while (and two children perhaps?) I realize that he's trash and lose him. But no matter how many times I take out the trash after he's gone, the can is never empty. Smells kind of wanky, too. And everyone cringes when they see me, but I just don't understand...

Here's the point, Brit. We're all rooting for you...to clean up, not be trashy. Try it for a day. Don't go anywhere, do anything, or especially write a blog post without the Holy Trinity: your stylist, publicist, and manager. Notice how Paris Hilton isn't in that grouping?

And for chrissakes, stop talking big and put on your stupid Victoria Secrets underpants already.